i just realized the other day that i can’t stand sleeping. i think it the most boring thing i do in life. six to eight hours of just laying there unconscious. lame. i know that it’s important. it’s important to sleep. when i don’t get enough, i am cranky and i don’t think as sharply and my eyes hurt.  so maybe it’s not the sleep part that i can’t stand. maybe it’s the getting there part. the part right before i fall asleep, when i’m laying there thinking about all the things i am going to do the next day and i think about how good that cup of coffee with almond milk is going to taste. i think about my little morning rituals and i get super excited about them and then i think “fuck, i still have like eight or nine hours until i get there and fuck i have to lay here and sleep for that time”. i don’t know, it just rubs me the wrong way these days. i haven’t been sleeping much this trip. there is just too much to think about too much to plan. there are too many textures and fabrics and people and shadows and light to photograph. like this image. this was the chair in front of the curtains by the window in my hotel room in rome. last night i couldn’t wait to fall asleep so i could wake up and make a photograph of it. i was really excited which made me not sleepy but i knew i had to sleep for the previously mentioned reasons so i watched a film but the film was really good, Farinelli, about a famous castrato from 18th century , so it didn’t put me to bed so i decided to masturbate because that’ll usually do the trick but sometimes when i masturbate my mind decides it’s time to cleanse itself so i fall off track and i’m just laying there rubbing one out and thinking about what i should have done in some situation from two years ago. so it takes FOREVER for me to focus on the goal and finish. and by this time it’s like two hours after the fact. which was the case last night. and then when i finally did fall asleep i had these crazy uncomfortable dreams about an ex boyfriend probably because my mind went to him while i was masturbating but not in a sexy way more in a should’a would’a sort of a way and i’m sure there is a ton of tossing/turning happening. then it’s morning and i’m glad that it is, always am. but i’m exhausted. and that being said, i sure could use a nap right now. but don’t even get me started on how much i can’t stand naps…